All was going well and then the socks wouldn’t go on the right way. So he spent 5 minutes trying and getting frustrated. Then another 10 min with the shirt. Most of which was thinking about the right way to do it, with little action but growing frustration on both our parts. “Just put the damn shirt on!!!” I yelled in my head then eventually aloud. Then I reminded him about the goal and reward of getting out of the house on time and the documentation of it daily through happy faces and check marks. That resulted in a meltdown about how he wasn’t going to get a happy face today. Then it was a meltdown about how to draw the happy face the right way. This all began at 8am, while I was quickly trying to get him dressed and fed and then out the door. It started off great... until the socks. By now, it’s 8:30 am. He still hadn’t eaten. He started asking for crepes... which is what he usually gets but today he agreed to eggs, which had been sitting on the table for 40 min. Not getting crepes was causing yet another meltdown. It became clear that getting out the door on time was going to be impossible. He would either go to school hungry or miss circle time with his friends, which he loves. I was too tired to keep going. So I gave HIM the choice. What was more important: crepes or circle time? He thought deeply and went into his mind. Then picked crepes. So at 8:35 I started making his crepes... my mom — there to take him to school — made the whip cream. After eating 2 he looked dozy and he had moved back into his head, a place that’s also impossible to snap him out of. I whispered to my mom asking if she could keep him for the morning if he didn’t go to school. She said yes. So I asked him, “do you need a day off?” With that, his face lit up and he looked at me engagingly. “Yes!” Then went on to tell us all the reasons he needed a day off. I knew some of them but was enlightened by the list nonetheless. After that everything was easy. And I started to cry, grateful for the work I did to get there. It felt like a huge relief, for us all. He say my tears and gave me big, gracious hugs. He is grateful that I listen and get him, I can tell that too.
I have known in my heart since the beginning that he is sensitive... physically, emotionally, intellectually, energetically, bodily-kinaesthetically, and all sorts of things. He is very particular and has been since the beginning. I have struggled with how much to cater to these needs. But the work I have done has reinforced that these are needs. Most often when I am able to step back and find out what is going on with him, I am rewarded with knowledge... and then tolerance. He has always tried to communicate his needs… with his cries, his body, his words, and his long-winded explanation. Thank god that I have skills to attune myself to him. And thank god for when I can find the patience to do all of this. This kid is challenging and it’s exhausting. Thank god for the support I now have through this.
Today feels like a huge success. Not a giving in... but rather a respect, tolerance, and understanding for his needs and me walking away feeling strong, not defeated like I have so many times in the past.