I don’t know where else to put this so it’s going in my predictions blog. My hope is that the shit I am currently worrying about does NOT pan out. So consider this a knock-on-wood style post.
10. Having to Be Social - I often say that I am an anti-social introvert but most people don’t believe me. Seriously, I am and I don’t want to see people. The pandemic has actually been really amazing for that reason. So I worry about having to see people again.
9. Walking Alone at Night - I walked home last night (Sunday night) from my friend’s who lived a street away after borrowing their car. It was 9pm. I don’t know the last time I walked home in the dark at 9pm… because of covid. So I am not desensitized or comfortable with that any more. I will desensitize I’m sure. But… for now, it’s kind of worrisome!
8. Identity Fraud - Having that happen would be a HUGE pain in the ass. I know a friend who’s had that and it’s a pain. Even my partner Mike had a minor incident and it continues to show up in financial settings for us. I don’t even know how I would begin to approach that problem. It’s like my worst logistics nightmare: a shit tonne of stupid boring work that I would have to do and would rather avoid… and then would avoid and be plagued by it for what would feel like an eternity.
7. Money. I always worry about money and for some reason I always leave some loose ends that allow me to perpetuate this worry. For example, I currently owe $17K in corporate taxes and need to deal with that. FML. I hate dealing with money. I actually would have put this at the least of my top 10 worries but I didn’t want to start this with money. That’s too cliche.
6. The Freedom Convoy - I can’t help being both fascinated with the convoy and afraid of it. To be clear, I am on neither side. I am approaching it out of curiosity. Who injected all that money? Was it Putin? Was it White Supremacists who are afraid of losing their power? Both? Someone else? High-powered Anti-vaxxers? IDK. But I think about it… maybe not so much worry any more but think about it.
5. Climate - who isn’t? If you’re not, your ignorance is blissful but it’s wrong. And as much as I love a good conspiracy theory, I think climate change is legit. Hopefully it’s not mind you, but until we see how this unfolds, this is something to worry about.
4. Putin - I went to bed the night of the invasion thinking we would wake up to WWIII. I still think about it and wonder why Putin is doing this. I have come across some great ideas, including that he has Alzheimer’s Disease and it not thinking straight or that he’s on his last hurrah before he dies or, what I think, is that this is all a ploy to figure out if he can use disinformation to destroy the rest of the Western world. I also sometimes think that the convoy was either a distraction that allowed the Ukraine invasion or that it was a pilot project to test out how fragile systems were right now in prep for the invasion. IDK. But I worry about this if I engage in the media.
3. Technology and Kid’s Brains - Related to AI I am very worried about the cyberworld that my 6 year old is growing up into. I’m also worried about all other 6 year olds and 7 year olds all the way up to 45 year olds (all people younger than I am). It’s worrisome. Check out Centre for Humane Technology to invoke some empathic worry.
2. AI - I am very concerned about artificial intelligence. It’s basically stealing our brain’s capacity to make our own decisions and embedding itself within our consciousness without us even thinking about it. It affects everything from how we drive home, to what we buy, to which silo we enter in the current polarizing fad. My hope is that we can learn to live harmoniously with AI… but that’s going to take some effort. I am currently seeking $1M to start a think tank on how that can happen. I want to fund projects that can work toward that goal. My personal project would be to capitalize upon our existing super powers.
1. Dying - By far my biggest worry is of myself dying. I know I will die. But I don’t want to. What else can I say? And don’t try to quell this worry. There is literally nothing you can tell me that will make me feel better. People have tried. Not one has succeeded. One thing came close… a poem I read about two babies in a womb and how one was afraid to be born and the other was saying how exciting it was to be leaving because the unknown could be better than the inside. That gave me momentary relief as I imagined myself being excited at dying. But that didn’t last too long. Because at the end of the day NO ONE KNOWS what actually happens. The possibility remains that I will become nothing. And that is scary. I hope I become everything. But that’s an intellectual hope rather than a faith-filled belief. In addition to worrying about my own death, I worry about my son dying. Not just dying of natural causes when he’s old like I will be — hmmm… actually I don’t know why am I NOT worrying about that… I should be… Anyway, I worry about him dying horrible deaths and suffering during it. Sometimes I’ll have invasive thoughts flood my brain during both waking life and dreams. They were horrendous when I was postpartum but they have never completed dissipated. They hurt a lot.